نمایش نسخه قابل چاپ
asa you can see I put this text in my Jokes section
humor
its humorous
I mean some American fellows do NOT consider Rap as a music
یعنی اینکه برخی اصلا رپ رو به عنوان یه موسیقی قبول ندارن
مثل بعضی که شعر نو را شعر نمی دونن
امیدوارم منظورمو رسونده باشم
خب وقت رفتنه اما قبل از اون
امروزب باز هم پستچی پیر محله ما نیامد
یا باید خانه مان را عوض کنیم یا پستچی را
تو که هر روز برایم نامه میفرستی !!!!!! مگه نه
It is a state in the New England region of the northeastern United States. It is bordered by Rhode Island to the east, Massachusetts to the north, and the state of New York to the west and the south (with which it shares a water boundary in Long Island Sound).
Connecticut is named for the Connecticut River, the major U.S. river that approximately bisects the state. Its capital city is Hartford. Much of southern and western Connecticut (along with majority of the state's population) is part of the New York metropolitan area; three of Connecticut's eight counties are statistically included in the New York City combined statistical area, the same area is widely referred to as the Tri-State area. Connecticut's center of population is in Cheshire, New Haven County,which is also located within the Tri-State area.Connecticut is the 29th most populous state, with 3.5 million residents, and is ranked 48th in size by area, making it the 4th most densely populated state.
Reasons to Allow Drinking at Work
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten
Drunken Mixup
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend pitching woo in the back-seat.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw the spectacle, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That dumb Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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نوشته اصلی توسط raha78
[khande][khande]funny
تقدیم به همه بچه های خوب نخبگان
Remember the time before the wax hardened
برای اشاره به اهمیت زمان
قبل از اینکه کار از کار بگذره
حمید باز حرفشو تکرار کرد: نمیشه میگم نمیشه تا اون منشی خشک و بد اخاق اونجاست نمیشه
_ اما تو چاره دیگه نداری به این وام نیاز داری قبل از اینکه خونه فروش بره و کار از کار بگذره
No,no way to do this as long as that notorious ,nasty piece of work is sitting in the office
_ but you have no other choice.you need the loan please do this before they sell the house
Remember the time before wax hardened
Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened Remember the time before wax hardened
I have no idea
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نوشته اصلی توسط نازخاتون
Hammer Fall
Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears.
"That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.
A Blind Man in TexasThere once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
Nice Suit
A guy goes into a clothing store to buy a new suit, but he doesn't want to spend too much money. The tailor shows him a really nice suit for $400, but the guy says it's too much. He shows him another suit for $200, and the guy says it's still too much. After showing him several others, he finally shows him one for $10.
"That's more like it!", the guy says, and he goes to try it on. He comes back and looks in the mirror and one sleeve is about two inches shorter than the other.
"No problem," says the tailor, "Just hunch up your right shoulder."
So the guy hunches his right shoulder way up, and the sleeves look OK, but the lapels are crooked.
"No problem," says the tailor, "Just stick out your left arm and cock it like a bird's wing."
So the guy sticks out his left arm and the lapels look OK. But then he notices that one pant leg is shorter than the other.
"Well, just keep that leg stiff," says the tailor, "and no one will notice."
"I'll take it!", the guy says.
So the guy leaves the tailor shop wearing the suit, walking with his left leg stiffened, one arm stuck out like a bird's wing, and one shoulder hunched way up.
As he's walking down the street he passes two orthopedic surgeons. One of the doctors says to the other, "I have never seen anyone in such bad shape in my twenty-five years of practice!"
"Me neither," the other doctor says. "But he sure has a nice suit!"
Today I am going to tell you a thing or two about minnesota
It is a U.S. state located in the Midwestern United States. The twelfth largest state of the U.S., it is the twenty-first most populous, with 5.3 million residents. Minnesota was carved out of the eastern half of the Minnesota Territory and admitted to the Union as the thirty-second state on May 11, 1858. Known as the Land of 10,000 Lakes, the state's name comes from a Dakota word for "sky-tinted water". Those waters, together with forests, parks, and wilderness areas, offer residents and tourists a variety of outdoor recreational opportunities.
Nearly 60% of Minnesota's residents live in the Minneapolis-Saint Paul metropolitan area known as the "Twin Cities", the center of transportation, business, industry and education, and home to an internationally known arts community. The remainder of the state consists of western prairies now given over to intensive agriculture; deciduous forests in the southeast, now cleared, farmed and settled; and the less populated North Woods, used for mining, forestry, and recreation.Minnesota is known for its relatively liberal social and political orientation, and has a high rate of civic participation and voter turnout. Minnesota ranks among the healthiest states, and has a highly literate population. The large majority of residents are of Scandinavian and German descent. The state is known as a center of Scandinavian American culture. Ethnic diversity has increased in recent decades. Substantial influxes of African, Asian, and Latin American immigrants have joined the descendants of European immigrants and the original Native American inhabitants.
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نوشته اصلی توسط raha78
I wnat to repeat the sentence[nishkhand]
استاد آیا در مورد ایالت آلاباما هم بحث نموده اید؟
[golrooz]
Hair Loss
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
Four Thirds
The chef instructs his apprentice: "You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth..."
The apprentice: "But that makes four thirds already!"
"Well - just take a larger pot!"
http://www.njavan.com/forum/showthre...lish).A/page79
و البته من استاد نیبستم
من بنده روسیاه خدایم
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Things you should never say to your female partner
Committed couples should be able to tell each other everything, right? No more walking on eggshells like nervous first daters, terrified that they'll accidentally mention the ex and wreck their chance of a second date.
For long-term partners, there's no such things as too much information. Actually, there is. Honesty is a vital ingredient in any relationship, but so is thoughtfulness.
Couples should never stop taking care over what they say to each other. Words can hurt, and careless talk can drive the closest couples apart.
We don't advocate lying to each other – and neither do we recommend blurting out every truth that pops into your head. Here are five truths that are best kept to yourself if you want your relationship to prosper.
1. You find her friend attractive
It doesn't matter that you've never made any romantic overtures to the luminous friend. That's not the point. What matters here is that it hurts your partner's feelings enormously if you compare her unfavourably with a woman she's close to.
Your little confession could drive a wedge between her and the friend in question, but only temporarily - the relationship that your confession is most likely to destroy is her relationship with you.
If you find yourself becoming attracted to one of your partner's friends, keep the crush to yourself if you want your relationship to survive. It's perfectly normal for people to have crushes.
Fantasise quietly if you must, but don't spill the beans. Utter the wrong name in the height of passion, and you may have some explaining to do.
2. She should wear more make-up
Encouraging your partner to wear more make-up is tantamount to telling her that she's ugly. Make-up is essentially a mask, and it can feel like hard work, so the last thing she wants to hear is that you'd rather she trowelled on even more of the stuff. It's good to show an interest in your partner's appearance. For example, help her choose outfits if she asks.
Women don't like it when men find the whole getting-ready thing tiresome - we are doing it to look good for you, after all.
However, don't take such an interest that you seem to be trying to turn her into someone she's not. It's a lucky man whose wife or girlfriend is comfortable with her appearance, so don't mess it up by sowing the seeds of insecurity. You are not Gok Wan.
3. You once considered leaving her
Successful relationships are built on a trusting assumption that you love each other. This trust creates a secure bubble in which your relationship can thrive. Admit that you once considered breaking up, and you burst the bubble. Your wife or girlfriend will always wonder whether you're truly happy.
4. Anything about your *** life with previous partners
You might think that you and your partner are happy and secure enough together to have the occasional laugh about what you did with someone you dated years ago.
Not the case. *** is a subject mined with doubts and insecurities, and your partner's insecurities will burst into life as soon as you mention anything you did with a previous girlfriend. What's more, it is deeply un***y.
*** is about intimacy and privacy - it's the ultimate communication between the two of you and no-one else. As soon as you break that contract by bringing someone else into the conversation, the intimacy is broken.
In fact, all ex-talk should be as limited as possible. This may be tricky if you’re forced into practical interactions with them over divorce or child support, but try not to let emotion enter into it. Praising or criticising your ex is bad news for your current relationship.
5. She interrupts too much
Men often complain that women talk too much, but here's the thing: women talk because they're interested and engaged. She's enjoying your company.
Some experts suggest that women interrrupt each other in conversation more than men do, but this isn't because they aren't listening - it's simply a way of being engaged in the conversation. If you criticise her for this, you're essentially telling her off for talking to you.
Welcome the fact that your partner is animated and chatty, and that you haven't turned into one of those couples who sit silently pushing food around their plates.
New Bride
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Smart Salesman
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy - "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes awful!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
[khande][khande]so Funnyنقل قول:
نوشته اصلی توسط raha78
Dog NewspaperA wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."
Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."
The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"
Things to Ponder
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people fromHolland called "Holes?"
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do," is the longest sentence?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
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نوشته اصلی توسط raha78
I don't know!!!
what does it say
from now on, I gonna upload a very interesting story which is funny as well
the story is named
THREE MEN IN A BOAT